


Carlos Cleans Up

by longhairshortfuse, valda



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Car Wash AU, M/M, Night Valet, Valeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 12:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5417363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longhairshortfuse/pseuds/longhairshortfuse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/valda/pseuds/valda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil and Earl are involved in a charity car wash for the Mute Children's Benevolent Fund. Cecil has been telling <i>everyone</i> about it. Everyone with perfect hair and a strong jaw and teeth like a military cemetery, that is.</p><p>Carlos has never wanted a clean car so badly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carlos Cleans Up

**Author's Note:**

> This grew out of a "write a few lines and pass it on" chat based writing game, in turn based on [ this post on tumblr. ](http://cosleia.tumblr.com/post/134697351828/could-you-do-a-doodle-of-a-guy-in-a-purple-vest)  
> It was fun to write, and we hope it is fun to read too.

He'd dropped hints. Told Carlos ever-so-casually about the charity benefit. Remarked that the weather was perfect for a car wash. Mentioned that he and his fellow valets would apply the same care and attention to detailing the cars as they did to parking them (and then quietly thanked the beams that Kevin hadn't been the one to park Carlos' car).

Still, Cecil's heart leapt into his throat and threatened to take up permanent residence there when he turned to greet the next car and saw that beautiful face smiling cheerfully at him.

Cecil grinned like an idiot and stared until Dana slapped him on the leg with a cold sponge. He jumped back to attention and found some voice.  
"Would you like my most special service sir?"

The beautiful man in the car wore a fixed grin which took on a panicked edge at Cecil's offer.

Cecil swallowed until his heart sank back into his ribcage. "There are levels!" he squeaked. "Basic, Special, Most Special..."

Earl appeared at his side, swiping down his purple board shorts. "Extra-Super Special, Violently Special..." He grinned. Cecil whirled on him, eyes widened in terror and fury at the betrayal.

Earl smirked at Cecil then turned his smile on the driver.  
"If you ask Cecil here real nice he'll do you a perfectly special service."

Earl patted Cecil on the "creepy" wording on the back of his very tight shorts and walked away, whistling. Cecil turned back to what he expected would be a space where the car used to be, to find the lovely man with perfect hair standing by the driver door, holding it open.  
"I would very much like the extra-super please. May I wait over there?"

"Yes sir!" Cecil practically exclaimed, then somehow managed not to clap his hands over his mouth in mortification. "Um, please have a seat." He gestured toward the rows of folding chairs beneath the colorful awning at the edge of the parking lot and desperately wished he wasn't covered in suds...because while it wouldn't be _that_ weird to take Carlos by the arm and guide him over there personally, getting water and soap all over his beautiful coat (was that a lab coat?) probably wouldn't go over well.

Would there ever be an opportunity to touch him?

For his part, Carlos felt his face warm from more than just the sunshine after he left the air-conditioned cabin of his car. He walked over to the plastic seats and chose one with spaces on either side. He watched the valet, _Cecil_ his name tag said, put protective coverings on the seat and footwell before easing the vehicle into position.

Carlos tried his hardest not to stare as Cecil bent over to soap up his sponge.

"Don't be creepy," he muttered to himself. "Creepy," agreed the lettering across Cecil's ass. Carlos dropped his head into his hands...but soon he was peeking out between his fingers.

Cecil worked his way around to the hood of the car, side on to the waiting area. He glanced over and noticed with a sudden flash of hope that Carlos was watching him.

"Hey Ceec!" Earl's voice rang out. "Wanna trade? Your double-brother or whatever brought his shitty Corolla in for its annual bath. I'll take good care of this one, don't you worry about that."

"I've already started, _Earl_ ," Cecil seethed. He turned up his nose, thrust out his ass, and gently but thoroughly scrubbed at the sleek curvature of Carlos' hood. He would not let Earl ruin this for him. He would _not_.

"But--" Earl started, but Cecil snapped, " _Let's not argue, Earl_."

For a moment there was silence, nothing but the sound of sponges being dipped in water and applied to the surfaces of automobiles. Cecil surreptitiously glanced toward the awning to see if Carlos was still looking.

He was. And he was smiling.

Cecil was struggling to force down a grin and focus on the task at hand when suddenly a sponge, thick and weighty with water, came flying through the air to smack him across the side of the face with a wet _squelch_.

Cecil yelled. " _Dana_! I'll get you for that!"

Dana giggled and ducked behind a stretch Hummer belonging to the most debonair dragon in town. Cecil took aim anyway and threw, just as Earl sauntered into the line of fire.

Earl stood in stunned silence, mouth open, staring down at his soaked shirt. " _Palmer_!" he flashed furious eyes at Cecil. " _Prepare to_..."

"Oh hi, umm..." Carlos stood up to intervene just as Earl lifted Cecil's cold rinse bucket and tipped it over Cecil's head.

Cecil gasped at the cold, feeling rivulets trickle down his shorts and tickle the backs of his legs. His hair dripped into his eyes and he took a breath in, ready to hurl insults at Earl.  
One thing stopped him. A concerned voice from behind.  
"Oh! You're all wet!"

Cecil knew without looking who'd spoken. He'd memorized that voice. _Dreamed_ of that voice. He turned slowly, face warming, the cold forgotten.

Cecil may have forgotten the cold, but that didn't mean it had stopped existing, and it was currently doing intriguing things to the chest area of his now skin-tight Night Valet t-shirt. Carlos' eyes bobbed from Cecil's chest to his eyes and back again. He wet his lips. "Are you--are you all right?" he asked quietly. "I have a blanket in the trunk of my car you could use."

Cecil nodded and shivered, skin pricking up into gooseflesh on his arms and thighs. His teeth chattered as he stuttered out the words, "But I haven’t finished your wash! It will smear!"  
Dana came to Cecil's rescue. She pulled hard on her hosepipe and aimed a spray of water at Carlos's car, rinsing off the detergent. Cecil chose to believe that her carelessness with the hose was accidental as he was once more engulfed in cold water.  
Cecil yelled. Carlos jumped back. "Oh! Oh no."

Carlos rushed to the trunk of his car, pressing a button on his key fob so that it popped open as he approached. He yanked out a beautiful, delicate quilt that looked to be handmade and flung it around Cecil's shoulders, rubbing vigorously up and down the valet's arms.

Cecil was frozen, unable to think, unable to believe. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Earl staring, but he didn't even have the capacity to gloat.

Carlos rubbed warmth back into Cecil's arms. "Do you have a change of clothing here? You should get out of those wet things, they will chill you more. Water is a better conductor of heat than air, you see it's science, and as it evaporates it reduces the average kinetic energy of... oh you poor thing!" Carlos hugged Cecil, wrapped in the pretty quilt. Cecil sniffled. "What I mean to say is you should take your wet clothes off. For scientific reasons."

Cecil was only playacting a little.

Cecil shivered in Carlos' arms, feeling somewhat delirious. "Um," he stuttered, "no. I mean yes, I have clothes here, but I'm not done washing cars..." He broke off with a sneeze.

"We've got it, Ceec," Earl spoke up. "Go dry off. It's fine."

Cecil glanced at him in disbelief, then quickly looked away. What was that earlier mess about, then? What was he trying to do? But Cecil was not about to let this opportunity go to waste.

"Oh," he sniffled. "If you're _sure_." He started walking before Earl could respond. Carlos let out a small, surprised _oh_ and stumbled along with him, tightening an arm around his shoulders.

Earl watched them go, fighting a frown. He didn't know what the earlier mess had been about any more than Cecil did, and now he wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed, or angry, or...

"Come on, Romeo," Dana murmured at him. "That Corolla isn't gonna wash itself."

Earl let Dana lead him away. Carlos followed Cecil into the low concrete building with the banner ambitiously proclaiming 'Office - staff only' above the door. Carlos paused at the entrance. "I should let you get changed I guess."

Cecil put on an extra shiver and clutched Carlos's quilt closer. He inhaled; it smelled of him, of sweet almond and lavender. Cecil looked sideways at Carlos and allowed a smile to twitch his lips.

"Oh, you can come in here."

From the far side of the tan Corolla, Earl watched Carlos frown, shake his head, gaze at Cecil's pout and follow him inside. Earl rolled his eyes.

The longer they were gone, the more irritated Earl became. He may have kicked Cecil's brother-in-law's tire a little too hard. He may have actually missed the rubber. He may have sent a hubcap careening off into the scrublands.

He may not have particularly cared.

Dana was hovering in that protective way of hers, which didn't help. Earl managed not to snarl at her, but it was something of an effort. Eventually she gave in and went to see how Maureen was doing with the cash box, and Earl was alone.

Unfortunately, being alone seemed to actually be worse, as now he had nothing to distract him from thinking about what might be happening inside.

It had been too long for a simple clothes change. What were they _doing_ in there?

Cecil knew better than to conduct personal business at work (Earl pretended). He wasn't working now. He should have left as soon as he was dry.

"I'm just gonna check on him," Earl said quietly to no one. Yeah. Maybe there was a problem. Earl could help.

Earl moved at a walk, then a kind of half-skip, then a run to the office door. He burst in and looked around. Maureen glared at him.  
“Augh! Look at the mess! You’re worse than Dana, dripping car shampoo everywhere. Go shower and change if your shift is over, else get back out there.”  
Maureen pointed back toward the glass door.

“Gonna shower. Is Cecil finished?”  
Maureen shrugged and indicated her lack of interest in her co-workers’ personal hygiene.

Earl pushed open the door marked ‘Staff Only, No We Really Mean It This Time’ and sidled into the changing room. He heard Carlos’s voice above the sound of running water and giggling Cecil.  
Earl strode forwards.

Earl halted by the flimsy curtain through which lay the staff shower room. He listened. Above the hiss of water jets, he eavesdropped, feeling guilty and vindicated and wrong and justified all at once, which was very confusing.

“I’ve never seen one like that before! It is so scientific!”  
Cecil’s giggle drifted out. Earl clenched and unclenched his fists and pulled the curtain aside.

Carlos was staring at something, all rapt attention and excited voice. Cecil stared too, but not at the same thing.  
“That’s Khoshekh. He’s my kitty and he lives in the staff shower room.”  
Carlos wheezed in a rough breath and sneezed. 

Earl let out a barking laugh before he could help himself. As Cecil and Carlos wheeled around, Earl wondered what he was feeling now. Relief? Surely not.

Carlos sneezed again. Earl looked at him. “Are you...allergic to cats?” he asked. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the apoplectic rage on Cecil’s face visibly dissolve into confusion, then concern.

“Oh, _no_ ,” Cecil said, and only Cecil could gasp and clutch his hands together in horror like that and come across utterly sincere. “ _Are_ you?” he demanded of Carlos, gazing at him intently.

“Mayb’uh widdle,” Carlos forced out nasally.

Earl went into what Cecil occasionally referred to as Super-Earl mode and ushered Carlos away from the “cat” in the tiled shower room. He made Carlos sit on a bench in the changing area and hoisted an epipen.  
“You need this? I’m ready to stick it in and press the plunger...”  
Carlos shook his head.  
“No…” he glanced at Earl’s name badge. “No thank you, Earl. I will be fine. Scientifically the effects of histamine--” 

Carlos did not finish his sentence. Cecil came out of the shower room looking clean, refreshed and relaxed. Carlos stared at his clothing.

He’d only ever seen the valet a handful of times. And other than today’s extremely casual deviation, he’d only ever seen him in a nicely fitted purple suit.

The t-shirt and shorts, soggy and tight, had offered such a contrast to the dapper valet apparel that they almost hadn’t registered. ( _Almost_.) But now, Cecil wore something that--well, it wasn’t quite in between the two, was it? It was something all its own.

His legs were swathed in something that could only be described as _furry_. Over those colorful-- _abominations_ wasn’t the right word, because somehow his legs made them look _good_ \--pants, yes, Carlos would go with “pants,” hung a flowing tunic with a wide neck that exposed Cecil’s collarbone and _just enough_ of his shoulders. The brilliant color of the garment set off Cecil’s eyes, hair, eyeliner, and lip gloss so strikingly that it had to be planned. But at the same time, it all looked effortless. Effortlessly beautiful.

Yes, Carlos thought. Cecil looked beautiful. Cecil _was_ beautiful.

He opened his mouth to say so.

Unfortunately, he then fell into a fit of sneezing, and the other man, Earl, spoke instead.

“Ceec,” Earl grinned, shaking his head, “you sure do know how to pull off a look.”

Outwardly, Cecil preened. Inwardly, he panicked. Carlos wasn’t even _looking_ at him--sure, the gorgeous man was doubled over in a fit of sneezing, but _still_. Did he even notice the outfit?

“Oh, _this_ old thing?” he said with an offhanded wave. “You’re too kind, Earl.”

Earl smirked. Cecil risked an over-the-shoulder-hair-flick look across at Carlos. Carlos’s eyes were streaming and red-rimmed. So was his nose. Stray hair plastered his forehead and his mouth hung open. Earl sniggered. Cecil strode over and took Carlos by the arm.

“I need to take you out,” Cecil declared, then felt heat rise up his cheeks. “Of here. Out of here.”

Cecil steered Carlos to the door and, with a few false attempts, managed to get the spluttering scientist into the outdoor sunshine. Earl followed, shaking his head and laughing.

Maureen called after Cecil.  
“Hey, you’re out of uniform! Don’t let Management catch you. You still have two hours left of your shift.”  
Cecil rolled his eyes theatrically. Maureen pulled a face. Earl covered his face with his hands and shook his head in disbelief at what he was about to say.

“Cecil? Ceec? You better see Carlos here home now that his car’s finished. I’ll cover for you, but you owe me. Right?”

The look Cecil directed at Earl made it all worthwhile. Cecil let go of Carlos’s arm for a moment and threw his arms around Earl, delivering a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  
“Earl, you are the best. My best friend. See you tomorrow.”  
Cecil turned to Carlos and took his arm again, offering him a delicate and inadequate silk and lace handkerchief.  
“I don’t think you should drive. You live in the lab next to Big Rico’s, right? I’ll drive you home in your car.”

Earl watched them pull away in Carlos’ now-sparkling hybrid coupe. He could just make out Cecil’s broad grin through the windshield. Even Carlos seemed to be smiling through his allergic reaction. Then the car turned out of the lot and was gone.

“Best friend,” Earl repeated. “Right.”

~

Car after car streamed into the parking lot. Maureen was giddy. “The mute children will be so happy,” she beamed. Earl suspected her cheerfulness had less to do with the success of the charity fundraiser and more to do with Cecil’s absence.

Earl took little note of the number of cars, or the passage of time. He worked at a steady, careful pace, his callused hands coaxing the most possible sparkle out from days, weeks, months of grime.

Finally the sun was low in the sky and the last car was pulling out and everyone, valets and line cooks and servers alike, was toting buckets back into the office and stumbling off to the showers.

“Hey,” Dana called, “whose blanket is this?”

Earl glanced over, then rolled his eyes. Dana was winking as she held up the quilt Carlos had used to dry Cecil off. “Someone really ought to wash this,” she went on. “It’s still a little damp. I’d be worried about mildew or something.”

Earl didn’t want to rise to the bait. He really didn’t. But at the same time… “It’s pretty old,” he sighed. “It should probably be hand washed.”

“Hmm,” Dana said. “We don’t really have a place to do that here. And I don’t have a bathtub at home to wash it in. Maybe back at the restaurant? Wherever you do linens?”

Earl shook his head resignedly. “We have a cleaning service. But I have a tub at home. I’ll take it.”

“Are you sure?” Dana asked sweetly.

Earl scowled.

Earl shook out the quilt, folded it carefully into a perfect square then lobbed it into the back of his truck. He thought about what Cecil had said to Carlos before holding open the passenger door of his gleaming and economical vehicle. Cecil had leaned over to help Carlos buckle his seatbelt. Earl remembered that part clearly.

_“You live in the lab next to Big Rico’s.”_

Earl considered his options, but not for very long. Carlos needed his quilt back. Carlos probably knew best how it should be laundered. Carlos had allergies and would probably not want someone else’s scented detergent or softener on his stuff. Cecil had left his own car in the car lot and would probably want to get it back. Cecil would definitely not want to have to walk. The friendly thing to do, the _best_ -friendly thing, would be to drive over there, give Carlos his quilt back, and collect Cecil.

Earl grinned. He checked his phone but there was no update since Cecil’s _gonna stay and make sure he’s ok_ from an hour earlier. His shift over, Earl sauntered into the office, dropped his sponge on Maureen’s desk--splashing her a little--and went to get changed. He dodged Maureen’s insults as effectively as he dodged the sponge on his way back out, got into his truck and drove off.

Ten minutes later, Earl pulled into the strip mall where an ugly building housed Big Rico’s and Carlos’ lab. He parked beside Carlos’ slightly dusty coupe, jumped down, grabbed the crumpled quilt and headed for the door under the yellow and black sign.

Abruptly, the door opened.

“I really am feeling much better,” Earl heard Carlos saying. His voice was almost completely back to normal, only slightly thicker than it should have been. “I'm sorry you had to come all this way. It was really nice of you, and I really appreciate it. It’s no problem to drive you back.”

Cecil was walking slowly out the open door, pouting, head turned back into the building toward Carlos’ voice. He was utterly oblivious to Earl standing on the stoop.

“Hey,” Earl said, but it was too late. Cecil walked right into him.

“Oh!” It took a while for the message from Cecil’s brain to reach Cecil’s feet, and he kept walking a couple of steps into Earl, pushing him back, pushing him over and tripping. Cecil landed on top of Earl with flailing arms and a wail. It was not graceful.

Carlos ran out of the lab.  
“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Cecil… Um… Earl?”  
Earl pushed Cecil off. Cecil rolled to the side. Carlos rushed to help Cecil up and dust down his furry pants. Earl struggled to sit.  
“Yeah don’t mind me, I'll be fine, no need to help me up or anything.”

Carlos and Cecil jumped apart in a slightly embarrassed manner. Cecil offered Earl a hand. Carlos did the same, looking away. Earl grasped both hands and hauled himself upright.  
“I came to see if you needed a ride back to your car, Ceec, and to return your quilt, Carlos.”  
Earl thought Carlos looked a little disappointed.  
“I could have collected it next time I was passing, but thank you for, um, saving me the trouble. That was very kind of you.”  
Earl got the impression Carlos was not grateful.  
“Okay. I’ll fetch it from my truck then we’ll be out of your hair.”  
Earl suppressed a snigger as Cecil’s eyes drifted to Carlos’s messy curls. His mirth was short lasting as he tried to walk, yelled, groaned and fell over again.

~

“It looks like you were right. Just a sprain.” Carlos looked up at Earl from where he knelt at his feet, gently supporting his injured ankle.

Earl shifted uncomfortably on Carlos’ couch, trying to ignore the way Carlos’ eyes looked, glittering beneath his thick lashes. “I knew it,” he said. “I'll be fine. No need to fuss.”

Cecil hovered awkwardly, playing with his fingers and glancing from Earl to Carlos and back again. Carlos looked up at him and frowned. “Oh!” he said, almost dropping Earl’s foot. He carefully rested it on the footstool instead. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...well.” He stood, backed away, looked at Cecil and then turned his gaze to the floor.

“Were you admiring Earl’s ankle?” Cecil asked, unable to keep a note of sharpness out of his voice. “It is a nice ankle.”

“Um,” Carlos said again, raking a hand back through his hair. “Sorry.”

Earl gaped at him, then looked at Cecil. Cecil blinked.

“Okay,” Earl said, “what is...happening, here?”

“Nothing!” Carlos blurted. “I'm sorry! Your boyfriend was being very nice to me and I really appreciate it. I'll be happy to come back to your restaurant, soon. You are all great. It's great that you had that charity car wash. I hope you got plenty of donations. Scientifically speaking--”

“Wait.” Earl raised a hand. “Cecil’s not my boyfriend.” He flicked his eyes to the floor.

“He--he isn't?” Carlos frowned. “But back at the parking lot, you…”

“We’re friends,” Earl said. “ _Best_ friends.”

“I...see.”

Cecil crossed his arms. “Best friends,” he muttered.

“So, not boyfriends,” Earl said. “I'm not here to check up on you guys. I was just trying to return the quilt. It seemed like an heirloom.” He sighed. “Well, maybe I'm a little bit here to check up on you. Call it best friend curiosity. I gotta make sure you're treating my friend right.”

“Oh,” Carlos said, sounding confused and somehow disappointed.

“ _Earl!_ ” Cecil screeched. “Sorry, he's being stupid, I know you're not interested, that's why you wanted me to leave, I'll go, I'll drive Earl’s truck back, it's fine, I'm sorry--”

“...interested?”

Carlos blinked slowly. Cecil’s mouth snapped shut. Earl raised his eyebrows.

“Are you,” Carlos said slowly, rubbing at his chin, a line forming between his eyebrows, “flirting with me?”

Cecil collapsed onto the sofa next to Earl, flinging his arms up over his head. “Well I'm not _now_ ,” he moaned.

Carlos crossed his arms. “I. Um. I didn't realize…” He glanced at Earl, frowning slightly. “I didn't mean to--uh…” He trailed off, sitting down heavily on the coffee table. “Huh.”

“This is _so embarrassing_ ,” Cecil hissed.

“I mean,” Carlos said, “I was looking forward to...you know, coming back again. Seeing you again. Getting to know you.”

Earl was watching Cecil’s face. Cecil’s eyes were closed. Earl glanced at Carlos and realized with a start that the scientist was looking at him, not Cecil.

“Wait,” he said. “Who are you talking to?”

Carlos hugged his elbows, looking away. “Both of you,” he said quietly.

Earl gaped like a goldfish. Cecil stared.  
“But,” he began, and stopped because he didn’t know what to add.  
Carlos sighed, rubbed his face and stood up. He faced away from Cecil and Earl, head in his hands.  
“I am not used to expressing emotions in this way. We scientists use arcane sigils and… You know.”

Cecil and Earl looked at each other.

Cecil and Earl looked at Carlos.

Carlos looked at the wall.

Cecil broke the uncomfortable silence.  
“You like me?”  
Carlos nodded without moving his hands from his face.  
“You _like_ me?”  
The grin in Cecil’s voice was audible.  
Carlos nodded and risked a brief glance at Cecil.  
Cecil smiled back.  
“You like Earl too?”  
Carlos nodded, hiding his face again.  
“You like that I like Earl?”

Earl prodded Cecil.  
“Hey, you like me or you _like_ me?”  
Cecil grinned.  
“Earl, honey, put the emphasis wherever you want it. I _like_ you. I always have.”

All three stood. For a long moment there was silence. Carlos broke it with a giggle. “Um, should we...go out?” He scratched at the back of his head, grinning shyly. “Could I start getting to know you...right now?”

Cecil grinned back and grabbed his arm. “Earl? You okay to go out, with that foot?”

“To a restaurant, sure,” Earl said. “Somewhere we can sit. And talk,” he added. He looked at Carlos, hunched his shoulders, and glanced away again, a small smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

“Let's go, then,” Cecil said. “Just, uh...just not to Town, okay?”


End file.
